When I am King

I realise that in order for me to ascend to the throne, it would require some kind of post apocalyptic nemesis of such gargantuan proportions that the straggling survivors would want to quicken the end of days by electing me as their supreme representative. That said, who knows what lies round the corner, so here goes. I shall add to this periodically.

1. PEOPLE WHO SIT IN THE MIDDLE LANE OF MOTORWAYS. If the motorway is clear, you drive in the left hand lane. If you need to overtake, you use the lane in the middle. If you need to overtake yet more, the outside one. When I am King, if you are caught sitting in the middle lane, you can be as much of a coffin dodger as you like, you won't get away with it. Nothing Draconian as I have heard on other sites (shooting in the face, anything to do with car batteries). Quite simply, you would have your licence taken away for a fortnight. No excuses, that's it. I think this would be sufficient to ensure they did not do it again.

2. PEOPLE WHO CAN'T PARK. I am probably more sensitive to this than others. living and working in central London. I don't drive very often, preferring to cycle as you probably know. However, I often do for work. There are many parking bays which fit three cars. For some reason, often people park in such a way that no other cars would get in. This infringement would get you a parking ticket. But there would be no reduction in paid early. There is no time limit on selfishness. As you can see, I would be a fair and largely benevolent ruler.

3. THE USE OF PUBLIC TOILETS. If you would piss on the seat of your own toilet, that makes you n animal. Please don't do it in public. It's fucking disgusting. If you can't co-ordinate basic motor skills to lift the loo seat, wipe it after. Bringing me on to my next one - HOW CAN YOU NOT WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER USING A PUBLIC TOILET!

It is pure co-incidence that the first two items are motoring related. We shall see how this develops.