My beloved Brompton

I wanted to do a little piece about my bicycle

Lucky you, you can even see a reflection of me taking the picture in the background if you squint. I wanted to explain the make, model, spec, and a little about how it works, what makes it different, and why I configured it the way I did. Certainly, before I bought it, there was a lot on the net raving about Bromptons, some disparaging vignettes, but not a huge amount in terms of practical explanation about why it does what it does. Even the guy in the shop struggled with explaining some of it as they are a bit of a specialised field.

I have a Brompton M6-L, and the individual constituents and costs are itemised below:-

Brompton M Type bike           £600
Standard ratio 6 speed gearing £120
Mudguards, no rack                 £45
Black Frame                             £0
Orange extremities                   £25
Brooks B17 Special Saddle     £50
Schwalbe Marathon Tyres       £10
Battery Lighting                       £35
C Bag Set                                 £95
Eazy [sic] wheels                     £15

There are 3 types of Brompton - M, S, and P. The S is sporty (not really in my repertoire), with flat handlebars, and the P has handlebars I cannot understand. Check the Brompton website for details. The M type is the original, and has 'sit up and beg' handlebars, as befits a more upright riding style. If you want to race, get a bloody Trek Cyclo Cross. Incidentally, more on lycra clad Adonis' with cleats on their 2 mile commute from Highbury to Houndsditch another time. Brompton say no bike is standard, a cynic might see this as a great way to charge for all kinds of bolt-ons, but there you go.

I went for 6 gears. You can get single speed, or 3 speed also. For me, I always knew I didn't need 27+ gears (no-one does, certainly not in London. Marketing and little else) but the thought of leaping to single speed was a little daunting. The gears are definitely one of the best things about the Brompton. They are hub gears. Basically, this means that there is a barrel on the back axle which contains a load of cogs. As you change gear, the different cogs engage with each other and made it harder or easier to pedal. Remember Grifters? Same thing. On the rear, there is a dérailleur, similar to the cogs on the rear cassette of a road/ mountain bike, but there are just two. The great thing about hub gears is that you can change them when you are stationary and start off in the right gear without having to do all that clicky clacky business to get where you want. It really makes me hoot when the lights go green and I pootle off whilst the be-sunglassed hi-vis athlete honks high out of the saddle, looking like he's pedalling through black treacle as his shimano gears clatter in panic like a foot-treadle loom circa 1790. The hub gives you the three gears you use, the dérailleur gives you the option of a slight variance in each gear - you can change the dérailleur on the left hand control while pedalling like on a normal bike with cassettes and dérailleurs. For the one on the right, you should stop pedalling for a split second to allow the cogs to engage, particularly if down-shifting. If this sounds complicated or labourious, trust me it isn't. Bear in mind this is a bike used for cycling around London - lots of stop starting, and top end speed not the be all and end all. Ask any cyclist and they will tell you that Bromptons have a turn of speed and acceleration that is alarmingly impressive. Don't bother off the lights, you won't win.

I see some Bromptons with racks on the back. I don't know why - the clearance from the ground is so low that anything you could get on there would hardly carry anything. The way to carry things on the Brompton is by way of front luggage. The bike can come (they all do, although they are theoretically optional) with a tapered plastic block which fits directly to the chassis of the bike just above the front wheel. To this, you clip on a frame onto which you can slip any of the types of Brompton luggage. I bought the C Bag which has a 25 litre capacity, and then later on the basic fabric basket which is 24 litres. The C Bag has pockets all over the shop, and a bright yellow lining so you can find things easily. Tip: You can remove the frame and use it as a messenger bag easily. Often I was lugging the whole thing round with me when I didn't need to. Once you've got the frame, you can buy any of the Brompton bags to fit on it. I use the basket on a daily basis, capacity only a bit less than the C bag, but arguably more usable as it is a square space. You can chuck everything in it and pop it on and off as and when. It costs £16.50. Here it is:

I was umming and ahhing for a while about the colours. Plain black was what I defaulted to, but I knew if I went for that option I would be annoyed I hadn't been more adventurous. I got the orange front and rear extremities at an additional cost of £25. I've not seen another like it. The Brooks saddle in brown clashes a bit with the black tubular frame (see my hatred of this colour clash elsewhere in the blog) but I can live with it. If I had my time again, I'd probably go for burgundy or dark blue. Although I quite like the white one, 70s Porsche Carrera styley. Hey ho. The Brooks saddle is an essential for any bicycle. Vastly superior to the ones that come with. Bikes and their saddles are a bit like ipods and their headphones. A shame to have such good hardware and be so dismissive of the peripherals.

The standard Brompton tyres are ok, especially now they have Kevlar lining, but the Schwalbe marathons are much superior for a modest cost. Don't bother with the Kojaks unless you're mental and live in a country where it never rains.

If you test ride a Brompton, you may find that your feet catch on the standard trolley wheels at the base of the seat pillar as your foot comes up at the back - this problem will be averted if you use the Eazy wheels - they are a lot thinner. Essential. I've seen roller blade wheels on the back of some which I will get one day when I get around to it. Which means I'll never do it. What a lot of people don't realise is the sheer brilliance of the design. When folded, the carrier block protrudes in such a way that you can attach your bag to it and tow it around the shops like a trolley.

Not only does this save hugely on bags and so forth, it means you don't have to leave your bike unattended.

So that is a brief description of my bicycle. There is also something more about a Brompton that it's difficult to  put into a little bit of writing. The way it has a distinct 'Londonness' to it. The way it collapses like something out of Harry Potter into a confusing mesh of metal and rubber.  I have cycled it off road - it's a complete disaster whatever their website says. This is an animal for the urban jungle, and it is, like so many animals found throughout nature, perfectly suited to it's environment. More than that, it is a beautiful example of pure British, illogical, brilliant design. It's as British as cucumber sandwiches and the smack of leather on willow. I love that it makes no sense to flip the back wheel under the frame. I love the fact the frame and pillars seem to bend round corners to make it into this compact package in less than 30 seconds when you need to jump on a bus or in a cab . Or that you can use it as a trolley. Or that it has a part called 'the nipple'. I wouldn't want to ride anything else.

Lock it. Leave it. Lose it?

My hesitation with cycling around town shopping, apart from laziness, is the fact I hate leaving bikes in London locked up. If someone here wants to nick your bike here, they will nick it. I work in affluent Islington; home to media darlings, politicians, and other simliar Eloi. However, a local bobby told me that on the nearby Packington estate, the fire engines have police escorts. The reason for this is that 'yoofs' set off bin fires just to get the fire engines in the estate so that they can nick the 'jaws of death' off the back of the vehicles. These intimidating tools, used to cut people trapped out of smashed up cars, can snip through pretty much anything you can wrap around your trusty steed like a knife through butter. So a certain degree of judgment has to be employed. To me it's absolutely ridiculous to not use something you own for fear of it's theft or damage - what's the point of owning anything? My bike is insured (you can put it as an add on to your home insurance, but I'd advise against it as you probably don't want to lose the no claims benefit) on a stand alone policy at a cost of £10 a month through cycleguard. It specifies that I have to lock it with a silver graded lock or better if I leave it. The specification of lock obviously varies with the cost of the bike. I use a Magnum courier lock pictured here:-

If you use anything less sturdy, you might just as well leave it unlocked with a note wishing them enjoyment of your bike in the future. Or enjoyment of the small amount of crack they will receive from the fence they pass it to. NB if it does get nicked, wait a couple of hours, go on gumtree where it will pop up for sale, and visit with a large friend/ baseball bat *insert disclaimer*

A tip for locking: make sure the lock goes through the triangle of the frame. Not through the wheels or forks or saddle post or crank: they'll have it off in a second. Try and lock it as tight as you can so potential thieves can't wedge anything in to get it off. Park near a security camera. None of these things will ensure it won't be nicked, but do your best and get it insured. If it gets nicked, it gets nicked. I lock mine in Brompton 'parked mode' with the back wheel flipped under the frame. Here it is on Kings Road in Chelsea

The triangular part of the frame is a lot smaller on the Brompton, but I've done a close up so you can see it going through the triangle of the frame which is an unbroken steel barrier.

Even despite this, I'm never too comfortable leaving it for more than 20 mins. Goes without saying, don't lock it to a short post or even a post that's just over head height - they'll whip it over in no time. So, good luck, try and remember not to affix it to anything that isn't set in concrete, and console yourself with the fact that if it does get pinched, you can always claim and get a nice new one. 

That one you wish you'd got. The one with the carbon forks and the disc brakes. Because no-one will nick that one...

Soft in the head

A word on helmets. I wear one. Here it is, a bit battered and bruised, but rather it than my swede

I have fallen off twice and hit my head not wearing one. The first time (Cheapside) I was on the outside of a group of cyclists and the lights went green. I was probably a bit too far on the right, the white van which hit me was probably too far towards the kerb. I was doing about 2 mph and pitched off. Lucky escape. Don't get me started on righteous cyclists who think they can bosh about the place with impunity while all other road users swerve to avoid them, more on that in a different post. The second time, I was waiting for someone outside a gated group of houses. Thought they might be at the other end, jumped on the bike and straight away got the front wheel jammed in a storm drain I didn't see and flew over the handlebars. If I had been wearing a helmet I'd have laughed it off. As it was there was not even a chuckle. I landed heavily on my side, and the top of my head smashed into the tarmac of the road. Very very sore, and I sported a shiner for the weekend - lovely. My point is that on both these occasions, I was doing less than 3mph. If I'd been going faster, who knows. 

Here is a list of common occurrences while cycling:-

• A fly goes in your eye
• A dog runs out in front of you
• Someone just walks into the road in front of you without looking
• You are cycling up a cycle lane inside a queue of stationary traffic, someone crossing the road walks out from in between two buses from the right
• A pigeon attacks you (Kudos to @karmacycle, who blogs about it and other cycle related activity here)
• Vehicle door opens into your path
• It's just started raining after a dry spell. The road is oily.
• A car does not see you

This is off the top of my head. There are probably others but trust me, if any of these things happen, you stand a good chance of falling off your bike. It goes with the territory If you cycled at a snail's pace, you would probably be unaffected by many of these tribulations, but you don't. Don't even pretend that you do. One of my most passionate beliefs (right up there with NEVER wearing brown shoes with black trousers) is that generations have fought for us to live in a society where you can choose how you behave, so I have made my observations and leave you to make your own mind up.

I sometimes don't wear one myself - especially if it's hot in the summer and I'm only nipping round the corner. Kind of feel superstitiously that it is sod's law for me to crack my skull open on one of these jaunts, but I was ever the contrary one. 

In any case, you might feel you look a bit silly in a helmet which is an excellent reason not to bother. Not as silly, perhaps, as you will look dead or being fed through a tube and wearing a nappy, but to each their own.

Politically Incorrect...

I like to think of myself as polite. Whatever cruelty, mental anguish, or scathing sarcasm I lavish on people, it is always done with the requisite ps and qs. I've found being pleasant and considerate not only disarms your antagonists, it gets you a lot further than you might expect with usually ambivalent members of 'customer service teams'.

If one is going to have an effective conversation with a fellow being, I find that a good way to start is by addressing the person correctly. In my line of work, I have a tendency to deal with what you might call 'duff old traditionalists'. I find it delightfully endearing that there are still people in society who really appreciate being addressed as 'Mr abcxyz' or 'Mrs 123456' etc, etc. Once a certain degree of familiarity has been acquired, I normally ask (if appropriate) if it's ok to use the first name. It is probably true that working in the environment I do, it's more relevant to me than to a lot of others. Maybe not. I don't know what you do to earn a crust.

A lady sat at my desk today, and started asking me about what sort of thing she might expect to buy for a certain price in a certain area. We started chatting, and it quickly transpired she had two properties, both within my catchment area. She hasn't bought or sold for about 10 years, and has very little idea of what they might be worth or what the best strategy was to adopt to move to a different property, but maybe retain one as an investment, or not, or blah blah blah. You're losing interest already, and to be honest so am I. It bears no relevance to the matter at hand.

Long story short, rapport firmly established, the time had come for me to get down to nitty gritty. So I asked her name. For the sake of argument, let's say she replied, “Helen Smith”.

“And your title?” I asked.

The reason I ask it like that is because all too often if I ask “Miss or Mrs?” I get the response “Actually, it's Dr...” with a bit of a sneer, and do you know what? That's fine. If I had studied long and hard and been recognised for such diligence, I'd want every bugger to recognise the fact also.

Helen Smith responded by scrunching up her face and saying “Sorry?”

Here we go, I thought.

“Well, is it Miss, Mrs, Dr...?” I asked.

“What relevance does that have?” Helen replied, eyes narrowing...

And herein lies my issue, dear heart. I resent the fact that it is suggested that my asking for the correct term of address is assumed to be some kind of misogynistic stereotyping. It doesn't have any relevance at all, Helen Smith. I couldn't care less if you are a Sergeant-Major, a Grand Wazoo, the CEO of ICI, or the manager of Boodles. The fact is that I have a computer system whereby, if I do not input a correct title, it will refer to you in printed letters and e-mails as 'Smith' rather than Professor Smith, or Mr. Smith, or Lady Smith or whatever. If a missive came to me addressed to just my surname, I would consider quite discourteous. I don't think I'd use that company. And yes, you can check every letter and e-mail, but in my job, when we are not communicating directly we send mail outs to maybe 200 people at a time.

I had a Dame once, incidentally. She said “Oh just call me Joyce, dear...” Bless.

I wonder how people feel about this. I am dreadfully sorry that we have a social convention whereby for some reason of tradition, women have their marital status defined by their title in a way that men do not. It would piss me off royally if the boot was on the other foot. However, I really don't think that reacting in a hostile and aggressive way when you are asked, in a perfectly pleasant fashion, how you would like to be addressed is the best way to an enlightened society. I was trying to be polite. What was I supposed to say?