Politically Incorrect...

I like to think of myself as polite. Whatever cruelty, mental anguish, or scathing sarcasm I lavish on people, it is always done with the requisite ps and qs. I've found being pleasant and considerate not only disarms your antagonists, it gets you a lot further than you might expect with usually ambivalent members of 'customer service teams'.

If one is going to have an effective conversation with a fellow being, I find that a good way to start is by addressing the person correctly. In my line of work, I have a tendency to deal with what you might call 'duff old traditionalists'. I find it delightfully endearing that there are still people in society who really appreciate being addressed as 'Mr abcxyz' or 'Mrs 123456' etc, etc. Once a certain degree of familiarity has been acquired, I normally ask (if appropriate) if it's ok to use the first name. It is probably true that working in the environment I do, it's more relevant to me than to a lot of others. Maybe not. I don't know what you do to earn a crust.

A lady sat at my desk today, and started asking me about what sort of thing she might expect to buy for a certain price in a certain area. We started chatting, and it quickly transpired she had two properties, both within my catchment area. She hasn't bought or sold for about 10 years, and has very little idea of what they might be worth or what the best strategy was to adopt to move to a different property, but maybe retain one as an investment, or not, or blah blah blah. You're losing interest already, and to be honest so am I. It bears no relevance to the matter at hand.

Long story short, rapport firmly established, the time had come for me to get down to nitty gritty. So I asked her name. For the sake of argument, let's say she replied, “Helen Smith”.

“And your title?” I asked.

The reason I ask it like that is because all too often if I ask “Miss or Mrs?” I get the response “Actually, it's Dr...” with a bit of a sneer, and do you know what? That's fine. If I had studied long and hard and been recognised for such diligence, I'd want every bugger to recognise the fact also.

Helen Smith responded by scrunching up her face and saying “Sorry?”

Here we go, I thought.

“Well, is it Miss, Mrs, Dr...?” I asked.

“What relevance does that have?” Helen replied, eyes narrowing...

And herein lies my issue, dear heart. I resent the fact that it is suggested that my asking for the correct term of address is assumed to be some kind of misogynistic stereotyping. It doesn't have any relevance at all, Helen Smith. I couldn't care less if you are a Sergeant-Major, a Grand Wazoo, the CEO of ICI, or the manager of Boodles. The fact is that I have a computer system whereby, if I do not input a correct title, it will refer to you in printed letters and e-mails as 'Smith' rather than Professor Smith, or Mr. Smith, or Lady Smith or whatever. If a missive came to me addressed to just my surname, I would consider quite discourteous. I don't think I'd use that company. And yes, you can check every letter and e-mail, but in my job, when we are not communicating directly we send mail outs to maybe 200 people at a time.

I had a Dame once, incidentally. She said “Oh just call me Joyce, dear...” Bless.

I wonder how people feel about this. I am dreadfully sorry that we have a social convention whereby for some reason of tradition, women have their marital status defined by their title in a way that men do not. It would piss me off royally if the boot was on the other foot. However, I really don't think that reacting in a hostile and aggressive way when you are asked, in a perfectly pleasant fashion, how you would like to be addressed is the best way to an enlightened society. I was trying to be polite. What was I supposed to say?